How in the world can I think about you so much , long for you to have you by my side.
I can’t possibly understand how losing someone can leave you so full of longing that you just can’t hold your heart to beat inside your chest and not explode in the world of eternity .
It should stay empty and vacant but the heart fills up with your longing all over again.
Why do I want to say your name over and over.
Since the day I met you , sitting close to you has made me want to have more of you . All of you .
Seeing you without your Niqab has made me want to see you again and again .
How deep should I look for you inside of me.
As if I want You – all of You .
Then I tell myself
I must hold back before I get lost looking for you every where Inside of me.
I know
The sanctuary that was built in me has deepened with time and I won’t find anything except for my old abandoned belongings .
I take a deep breath In and feel serene beauty around me,
Then I ask myself
How in the world your yearning is my cure. How do I feel subtle and tranquil in your elixir of love.
How ?

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The midnight shivers embrace me as I lay alone in my bed
The impatient memory dwindles on my belatedsoul
Silence frightens me verbally
Shuns the echoes of yesterday
Indeed i lay feverish to death
Broken melodies, unkept promises form a whirlwind of disappointments
Sleepless night and loss dance in the dark
All stories collected to be thrown in the past


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Sadness over takes our souls sometimes . We are sad for no specific reason. Feel like a stranger to everything around us. It happens to me quiet often!
Feeling sad with little provocation.  Crying at the congestion of my heart. I try to accept these emotions as they come  and go. Sometimes I am successful other times im not. Somtimes i am grateful that my body is releasing these emotions and not holding them in. I try not to direct these emotions at anyone since I’ve come to understand that this is natures way of cleaning my soul. I let it evaporate on its own. I’ve learned to renew my intention at this very moment to clean all the issues and connect myself to the Higher power. I make dua and submit to Him. The majestic The Supreme. While I try to embrace whatever comes gracefully to move forward towards Allah swt  I would tell each and everyone out there to find this connection with your Creator, in the most lowest of your days to make oneself humble to His Grace as He tells us that He loves our meekness . Do your salah on time, connect with Him through ibadah, do sajdah like never before connect , connect with your soul , open up the Quran read and reflect. He will respond in the most Gracious ways . He is the all Hearer He is As Saami.
The more the body is humble the more your soul ascends. There’s a reason for this sadness . make it a remarkable one meditate through Salah through nawafil and Quran . Do khyr to others , do good , give charity , help those around you. Give give away what you have , only if it were a smile. The sadness has given you a reason to attain a high level of humanity, compassion, wisdom and spiritual power. Don’t let it go to waste.


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Dreaming of days that lost their essence
Pages blank
Pen’s dried
Solitarily existing
Wiping off rejections
Burnt to the core
Troubled deep
How painfully I feel sinking in my own skin
Chaos of the heirloom
Flinging memories creating their way
Untold sadness emptying the heart
Crushing the doorway to happiness
Wretchedness, misery, distress
All words collide to form a somber of melancholy


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Her loneliness…

Loneliness was her only friend
She found her deepest fears when she was alone
Her condolences were with her own heart
She was whole ,
She was complete
Yet she was alone
Her mind was with everyone around her
Her thoughts only with her loneliness
Her body in the present
Her soul in her solitude
Her words made conversations
Their meanings were found in the other realm of her world
She was a bit too weird to understand
She was a squeal of unlimited mental illnesses
Not many knew her ,
But most claimed to understand her
She was a wandering soul in the colossal landscape of the Divine
Wanting mercy from the Most Merciful , seeking pleasure of the Most Loving , finding peace in the Most Magnificent


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Every time she told herself
To hang in there,
To keep moving
Every time she collided
Every time she collapsed
Every time she shattered in to tiny pieces
She knew no hiding place to go to except to find solitude with Allah


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I can not write…


My words real to their feelings yet i can not write , I can not say,
It is that when I pick up a pen to give them life,  my words are lost
My feelings take over my mind ,
My emotions overcome my language
My heart shadows with sorrow,
My thoughts travel in to a lost memory land, that’s when i realize, I can not write,
I can not say , I can only feel,
I have a suicidal hope and wish foundation in my soul that embraces me with uncertainty and my mind is at loss, I can not write ,
My words are high when agonizing displeasure pierces through them, they see no one, they worry no more but I cannot write I can not say  …I can only feel,
My life blinks its attractions every now and then, the show is on and then its attachments are loosened,  I feel pain , I feel tragedy ,
The hurt and sorrow of a lonesome soul is aggravated with engraved undetachable effects that shutter my island of solitude
I can not write I can not say ,
I can only feel I can only say- you can only feel  ……


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I thought i had it all…

Valentine Series
I had it all , I thought I had it all
the laughter in my smiles, the happiness in my tears
sadness in my eyes and darkness in my fears
I thought I had it all ,
then I found you and you showed me the path to new beginnings
I thought I had it all
Until you came to play with my emotions ,
you handed me silver sparkly stars
blindfolded I befell to your lust
I thought I had it all
then you left me in the murk of waiting
standing alone in the middle of the road that lead to nowhere
you gave me blooming hopes to dismantle my beliefs
my courage my hope my striving grieves
one by one you broke it all
you poked it stroked it and knocked  it all
Until I thought I had it all


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Her hopes were made out of morning dew drops

Her hopes were made out of morning dew drops, shining just right under the light…
As innocent as her thoughts were, she was mere beauty in and out …
Fearless expressions powerless emotions
She coupled both at the same time.
Having high hopes with the world around her she walked looking for real people
Someone true to their own self, someone who would not betray her trust
She looked for someone real,
Some being who would hold her heart as soft as a rose petal …
With her aspiring urges all her dreams were shattered in to pieces ,
She felt as if she didn’t belong here anymore that she was from somewhere else,
She couldn’t keep up with the desire of unnamed longings ,
Her emptiness sheered in to desiring to meet her Raab .
This new hope kept her down on her knees beautifully ,
The morning dew drops were now her real shining light ,
she found all her reasons to trust her Creator alone
Seeing her i could tell she was a true beauty with an arduous life …


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I am certain our Creator allowed us to eat chocolates, enjoy good food, breathe in fresh air, be in pleasant people’s company, go on roller coaster rides, laugh, love and live……life is too short to sway in to tragedies that pull us down. Fall once get up twice. Face it with courage and trust in your Lord , He has not abandoned you, so live up to His expectations and be free. To understand the Divine glory and Holy prominence of Allah (God) I turn up to Him alone. I love to see things through a lense that leads me to the ultimate truth. Observing life from a distance had always been my passion – living up to it with some zeal and enthusiasm is another way of keeping myself busy . Time spent in solitude Is a time worth given a meaning to my existence. Poetry & words are expressions from my soul to get to know Brilliance of the divine, they are feelings reflecting in to words to inspire the soulful’s . I windup with words nevertheless, not as much as they clutter up in my mind . To get to know myself i dwell in to the land of words, where i reach out to my feelings dancing in my heart to take their shape of appearance.


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